Lost alone with none to share reality On my own adrift of frozen fantasy Sights of home call faintly through my misery I used to be the one who wanted no one But as the time unfolds I'm uncertain Who I've become, I can't relate to anyone My secrets stay distant as the winter sun I listen, but of my heart reveal none I thought futility was stalking me How could anyone relate to me? And of the few who hold a key One I pay, the other once had married me Of the rest, I try but fail miserably What to do? This life I lead is drowning me Close my eyes, escape into my world of sleep

I’ve had enough of living I want to die My name has painted shame across the sky Of those who say they cared, I seen their lie I’ve seen enough of life to want to die So now the question stands the deed be done But how to carry out. . .the plan to come To keep my soul unstained from suicide I need accomplices...to take my life Not partners I employ...unknowing “friends” Who’ve planned their crimes of death...for their own ends And if I happen by...as terror reigns to fall within her grasp...am I to blame? At night I take these thoughts to sleep and hope a guide will come to me to lead my path where death awaits I pray the lord my soul to take God bless brother and sister and Stalin and Hitler I dream of London, streets of fog As generals plan for German dogs for air raids not yet quite prepared my dreams have shown, I must be there So nights I walk quite openly beside the Thames and hopefully the German bombs will drop and blow and end my suffering, take my soul And finally I hear that drone And find the deepest danger zone Explosions ring around my ear And kill the sane but leave me here For weeks this nightly ritual Consumes my mind but leaves my soul As horror claims the innocent Yet locks my life in black torment And fading memories of days before Of death and pain I sought And dreams I thought I once tried to ignore of death and pain I brought But oh so long ago… At night I take these thoughts to sleep and hope a guide will come to me to lead my path where death awaits I pray the lord my soul to take God bless brother and sister and Johnson and Nixon In 20 years I’ve hardly changed Except the dreams have rearranged A jungle country I have seen Will be the site for my release VietNam the dreams have shown the bombs will fall, the terror grow my chance for sanctuary from pain I must go now to stake my claim A Northern rice farm hires me to aid the harvest annually They laugh the bombs of USA Will never touch their ancient ways But I know better, I wait with hope I’ve seen the paddy’s darm with smoke I sleep amidst the open fields inviting death to which I yield And death arrives, but here I stand I’m spared the fate which I demand The village slaughtered to the ground Mai Lai is gone, I’m never found And fading memories of days before Of death and pain I sought And dreams I thought I once tried to ignore of death and pain I brought but oh so long ago... At night I take these thoughts to sleep And hope a guide will come to me To lead my path where death awaits I pray the lord my soul to take God bless brother and sister and McVeigh and Bin Laden Another 30 years I pray for dreams to show my soul the way to cast the pain of life aside remaining pure in death divine A dream once showed some scenes of death I disregard as incorrect An Oklahoma building blew and high school shootings...can’t be true But just the other night I saw mass murder on the newslines call A freak event combining hate with terrorists, I can’t be late New Amsterdam I called it once in olden days when I was young But on reflection, young I’ve stayed by time untouched, yet broke by pain So to the tallest tower I have made my way hoping to die An early autumn morning sees two flying bombs approaching me to god in heaven, answer please why have you chose so long to see me live in pain and pray release before you sent this death for me? But for my answer I still stand the planes both missed me crashing spans below my floor now filled with fire considering my funeral pyre It’s burn to death or jump to hell and maybe now it’s just as well for in the past I’ve met with death by others hands as others breath have stopped because my presence there unbalanced plans of fate somewhere and took the rest but left my dreams to make the next reality And fading memories of days before have just come into view And dreams I thought I once tried to ignore have now come true and I was always there I damn my soul eternally Gods’ marionette no longer me To sail the winds of history attracting death is not my dream I break the window, dive for street but as I land atop a priest I kill him instantly and wake still praying lord my soul to take God bless brother and sister and Me